Sunday, October 09, 2005

Who are you weirdos?

Mes Amis

I love the stats page for the CSS website. Its nothing if not intriguing, especially when you get to see some of the search strings that have brought people to the site. So taking a page from the book of Williams (who used to frequently post some of the odder search strings that brought people to his pages) here are some of the more odd ways people have found us at Crime Scene Scotland:

Fucking Trainers - Meaning someone's either searching for people who are pissed off at trainers OR they're looking for trainers in which to fuck. Either way I don't think that's normal behaviour...

Al Guthrie Poker - I hear Mr Sunshine is a dab hand with the old cards. Devil Fish had better watch his back...

Albino Hippo - Um... This is a surprisingly popular search string

Wet Herself - Are they looking for a solution or something a bit more perverted? Either way I think they're going to be dissapointed to find themselves at our little site.

Beans Killers - The Heinz boys are looking for protection.

Banana rectum - Oh, the internet is a wonderful tool for those who indulge in... unusual hobbies...

African women exposing their buttocks - Dude, just turn on MTV Base...

Faint Heart Pigs Fuck - I mean, is it just better if I don't ask?

The internet - home to oddballs everywhere - and I love each and every one of you who comes to visit my site.... although I think a few may be oddly dissapointed...

Au revoir

Russel

13 comments:

Charlie Williams said...

Nice keywords, Russel. Pigs and fucking turn up again and again, especially together.

that girl said...

Scary biccies!
I wish u could see if they stayed. Like "this isn't a site about people fucking fruit!Dammit although...."
Can I just inform Mr Mcbride that my mum threw his book at me and it hurt A LOT,my leg is dented but the book is fine, robust I'd call it. Maybe some form of padding on the next one? Or I may wait on the paperback.....

Stuart MacBride said...

Padding? Why? Hell, if you can't do someone serious physical damage with a hardback, what's the point in writing at all?

And what did you do to deserved this drive-by booking?

that girl said...

*big breath*
basically my mum said "this new top feels funny, can you read the label and tell me what size it says? Its meant to be a 14"
I said "I dunno, its in spanish...whats 'elephante'?"
Picture much mirth on my part and then the primal fight or flight thing kicked in and I ran. She lobbed the book she was returning to me. it hit me. Much pain.
She then said "good book.Got any more by him?" she assures me it was the writing she liked, not it's missile potential.

that girl said...

oh yeah, and she hadn't asked to borrow Cold Granite, she snuck in my room and took it!
I was hit with my own stolen property. And that sucks.

Stuart MacBride said...

"I dunno, its in spanish...whats 'elephante'?"

I see, so you deserved everything you got in other words. Funny as hell though ;}#

Mary said...

I don't get any of these folks on my site. The most unusual search terms I've got are elmo, geese babies, and cute dog. Not sure where the elmo comes in but since I have a picture of the other two, they are understandable. Oh wait, I did get felony. But again that's easily explained by Felony & Myahem Press.

Anonymous said...

Mary, you need to swear a lot more. And use the word "pig". (Or "pigg".) And just talk about strange sexual practises, like Russel.

Russel said...

Stuart - you can put it on the cover of your next book "Great writing and excellent offensive weapon" Becs' Mum

Charlie - yes, these internet types are obsessed with pigs and fucking. Its very worrying. But keywords are always good for a laugh

Becs - "Elephante" Really, you should have learned by now...

Mary - you should probably be glad you don't get these types turning up at the site!

Annonymous - Now I need to know your identity - and how you know I'm always talking about strange sexual practices...

Anonymous said...

Well, I live in the flat above yours. I'm the guy with the lumpy head, you know? Old lumpy head upstairs, with his elephants. Ain't that what you call me? You can hear me, I can hear you. Like I say - STRANGE sexual practises.

Russel said...

Actually I don't believe you entirely, annon but nice try ;-)

Jennifer Jordan said...

People wander into my site via:

"human burdizzo"

"jesus balloon"

"deep fried mars bar"

AND

"antelope fucks zebra"

that girl said...

antelopes fuck zebras????
must google.....