"What do points mean?"

Mes Amis

You're probably wondering what I was lying about a few weeks ago thanks to the machinations of that rapscallion Jay Stringer who got me into the whole meme business in the first place.

Let me say I had some fabby emails and cool comments. But, amazingly enough, despite those tens of entries, only one person guessed right.

Those of you who have met my dad foolishly believed he had indeed rear-ended Steven Speilberg while on holiday in the US. This is not true. But we did overtake him on the freeway (once my dad got used to the automatic drive).

Nobody believed, despite my track record for vomitting on authors and editors*, that I vomitted in the queue to see James Ellroy. But it is true I had to wait around a decade to see him after he cancelled an appearance at the Edinburgh lit festival.

I'm so sorry for McDroll, who insisted I have a fear of porcelain. I'm afraid I do not. But Guybrush Threepwood does, and like him I would love to be a mighty pirate someday.

The lovely Canadian Karin easily believed that I was an extra in Braveheart, despite my recorded antipathy towards the antipodean Gibson. Again, this was a lie, and I was betting many people would believe that the entire population of my fair land wound up as extras in that one. A friend of mine, however, was once an extra in Dr Finlay's Casebook. Which did not star Mel Gibson, but did feature Annette Crosbie who would have been a far more convincing Parker despite being a woman of advanced years. And Scottish.

Others still believed that I had only four toes on one foot (I have never lost a body part due to my idiocy, but I have broken things) and bizarrely no one believed I had won an award for erotic fiction. This last bit was my predicted future in the Bell Baxter High School Yearbook.

No, only Gallagher027 saw the truth. He knew that a man like me must have come from strange stock and that my mother almost called me Shaun until she thought that other children in the playgrounds would chant, "Shaun, Shaun, the Leprechaun." Yes, the minds of my family do work in mysterious ways.

So if Gallagher027 would like to send me his details to crimescenescotland_at_yahoo.co.uk (or by good ol' Twitter) I'll pop out a copy of the hardbacked GOOD SON.

Au revoir

Russel

*For the last time, it was related to my mushroom allergy!

The truth? You can't handle the truth!

Mes Amis

This came from my follow DSD contributor, Jay Stringer. Now, I'm not a big meme man, but I do like to talk absolute rubbish, so I figured why not use the meme and give away that one last spare copy of THE GOOD SON to ayone who can figure out when I'm telling the truth.

Here's the rules of the meme as laid out by Stringer:

-Tell up to six outrageous lies about yourself, and at least one outrageous truth – or – switch it around and tell six outrageous truths and one outrageous lie.

-Nominate some more “Creative Writers” who might have fun coming up with outrageous lies of their own.

-Post links to the blogs you nominate.

And here are the statements with the possible truths and the possible lies:

1) I was so excited when I had the chance to meet James Ellroy that I vomitted on the person in the queue in front of me and had to be escorted from the event. It took ten years for me to finally get the chance to see him again and this time I kept my cool.

2) I have an unnatural fear of porcelain. No, I don't know why, either, but that stuff fuckin' creeps me out.

3) Under a pseodonym, I have been nominated for erotic fiction awards.

4) I was originally to have been called Shaun. But my mum changed her mind because she figured that playground bullies might taunt, "Shaun, Shaun, the leprechaun."

5) First holiday in the US, my dad accidentally rear-ended someone on the freeway. Turned out to be Steven Speilberg.

6) I only have four toes on my left foot after an accident involving a fire door.

7) Despite my well-documented antipathy towards Mel Gibson movies, I was actually an extra in Braveheart.

So... six truths and one lie?

One truth and six lies?

And which statement is the odd one out?

Let's make it more fun for you. If you get it right, I will send you a hardbacked and signed copy of THE GOOD SON. In the event of more than one person gettig it right, there will be another draw from my glamorous assistant.

Go on... you can leave your ideas in the comments thread. Or send your guess and details to crimescenescotland_at_yahoo.co.uk with the header LIAR, LIAR, BEARD'S ON FIRE. Deadline is two weeks from today (sun 28 March).

And, no, I think most folks I'd nominate have done this one so there's no real point tagging, especially as I'm only responding so late after the orginal meme. But if you haven't done this and fancy it, feel free to consider yourself tagged.

Au revoir

Russel