Monday, December 10, 2007

Dedicated (to a bunch of f*****s)

Mes Amis

Add to the list of things I hate:


Yeah, like writing in cards or, as I have now been doing, in books. Its great that so many people want a copy of the WONDERFUL (did I mention it was wonderful?) anthology EXPLETIVE DELETED (a week in, I have to re-order the damn thing; you want a copy from your local bookseller if you're near me, then you'd better get on the damn horn, now - - only two left in store until after Christmas) but even better that they want the nobody-important writer to inscribe something witty and amusing on its pages.

Trouble is, it makes me nervous.

I don't do dedications well. I'm not a sentimental man when it comes to expressing things and I always worry that I'm being far too cheeky with my jokes.

So this year, I've been not only writing Christmas Cards, but also signing farewell cards and I'm signing this book.

The thing is, an anthology like ED is crying out, "Enjoy the fucking book, you fuck," type inscriptions, or, "a foul story for a foul mind," but then you start thinking, are people in on the joke? Do people expect me to actually write, I love youse guys and this story's for you? I am of course being more careful with family than friends. And I did use the "Enjoy the fucking book, you fuck" on an inscription for a regular customer who thought it was very amusing indeed.

Pity I can't use that in Christmas cards.

But I'm straying from the point - - is it just me who worries about inscriptions in cards and so forth? Is it only me who doesn't know when you say, "Love from," or "best wishes" appropriately?

Not that I won't sign your book (hey at this year's Bouchercon, there might actually be a reason for me to go to the signing room - - completists looking to get their copies signed might just show up to get the wee nyaf's scrawl). Or your chrimbo cards (when I write 'em). Just know that when I do, whatever I say, I'm really saying, "I love youse guys." Because if you just buy an anthology what has a story of mine in it, I really do.

And try not to puke when you think about me saying such a thing.

Au revoir



Mikey P said...

You are not alone - card signing is a nightmare unless you only do four and you know the folks really well, but anyway, here's a rule of thumb for it:
'Love from' for your parents, grandparents, aunties or uncles.
'Best Wishes' for everyone else.
Book signing, however, is a whole different ball game - I have no idea what to put, although you could always ask them what they'd like.
That said, couldI have my copy signed to... ;)

Jim Winter said...

Sign it "You're a shite...

...for shore eyes!"

Hey, it played big in Wisconsin.

Jen Jordan said...

Oh, hell, Jim. I near peed myself laughing at that comment!

Russ-poo, dedications are not the bastards that bios are. Speaking of yourself positively in the third person. You have to be spanking mad to write a decent one.

The use of the word "fuck" is a given though, isn't it?

Or is that just us?

I love youse, too, man!

Russel said...


Come on in and get a copy, I'll give you a signing you can tell your grandkids about... that sounds vaguely wrong, doesn't it?


I think that joke was probably my crowning achievement in life...

I heard an apocryphal Sean story the other day, but dare not repeat it in public for fear of the big man hunting me down.


That's where I'm going wrong with my biogs - - being positive!