Sunday, August 06, 2006

I'll show Ramsay a F&^%ng Kitchen Nightmare

Mes Amis

The key to a great night out is the company. Let me say that the other night I had a wonderful evening. In that respect. Those who were there, I salute your humour and your occasional capacity to quaff.

In other respects, like quality of dining establishment attended, I wasn't so impressed. And I was the one who booked this place in good faith. Let me say that I think ol' Gordon Ramsay would have had a fuckin' field day with this place. Actually even he would have probably burnt it down.

There are certain basics in restaurants, I think, that should be adhered to.

One: if you think you can't take a large party, maybe you should refuse their booking.

Two: if there is a complaint about the standard of the food, please don't blame it on the party arriving a few minutes later than expected.

Three: Don't then start moaning about the fact you only have one chef that evening. Its not the
customer's fault (and maybe you should explain that when they arrive?)

Four: If you are a steakhouse make sure your chef can COOK STEAK TO ORDER. And understands the difference between rare and well done. Oh, and when returning a steak that has been cooked to the wrong specifications do not simply glaze the fucker so it looks well done on the outside. Its easy to spot. Because of the blood on the inside.

Five: Vegetables are not simply grey lumps.

Six: Hire staff who can speak fluently in the language of the majority of customers. Or who have the confidence to breeze past that barrier. And don't blame that one specific member of staff for all your cock ups.

Seven: A sauce is not a lump of yellow mayonaisse in a bowl.

Eight: If offering a discount to a dissatisfied customer please ensure it is not the same as on the voucher any old customer may download at the website. You will be caught out.

Nine: If you have difficulties seating twenty one people do not accept bookings for parties that large. They will be quite alright trying to find another place.

Ten: If you have members of staff who really are trying to keep customers happy - even if its just one - then you should really be nice to them.

But of course, what do I know? I'm only a customer.

One of a large party who will be definitely voting with their feet.

Au revoir

Russel

6 comments:

Gary Smith said...

Agree with all of your points, especially the fact that the company helped to make the experience more enjoyable than it otherwise would have been.

Personally I felt sorry for the 1 or 2 waitresses who, as you say, were trying to do their best when all around them was descending into farce.

Despite that the day as a whole was top class. Good work, Mr Best Man, Sir!

Russel said...

The whole day was top class except for that slight issue: I just get frustrated by poor service. But the company was top class indeed. A better bunch of layabouts and ne'erdowells one could not ask for.

And then there was the karting. The karting was wonderful fun. But the number one rule about karting is we don't talk about karting. Especially about who lost...

And the best man accepts your praise. The question is, will you be thanking me after my speech? :-)

Sandra Ruttan said...

Russel, since when did you start using such language in your titles? Next thing you know there'll be profanity in your writing and you won't address us as Mes Amis but Yo Sh!theads or something!

Russel said...

Gordon Ramsay made me do it!

that girl said...

I heard about karting.
beaten by a lawyer sirrah?
hide thy face

Alan P said...

Can I just add, if anybody is thinking about going to eat at Bella Italia, then think twice! They are shite. We went, and one arsehole of a waiter was carring an empty tray behind me, empty that is except for water on it which he promptly let fall on my back as he walked past. I had the kids with me so refrained from swearing, but when I asked the waiter what the hell he thought he was doing, he laughed. Fucking laughed! Fucking moron. Wife calmed me down a bit, and when I was looking around for our waitress to order a dessert, I spotted her with her coat on, walking out the fucking door. How about telling us your shift's over, darlin'? And to cap it all, the waiter was an Australian wank.
Let me reiterate - Bella Italia is shite!